Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i now understand why vodka
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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