My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
