I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
