can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
