Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
