So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
