PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
