Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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