here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
