So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
