The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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