I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i came on her dog
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
