Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
