Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
