all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
