were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
