I wanna bring you to show and tell
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
