1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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