Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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