I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
