I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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