drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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