We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
