you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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