if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
