I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
