I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
