Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
