Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
