is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
