i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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