I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
