Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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