Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
