im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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