At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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