I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
