Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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