So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
