My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
