Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
