It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
