Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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