I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
