I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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