ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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