When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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