She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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