she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
