She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
