He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
