Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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