My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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