I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
