Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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