Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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