Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize