look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
