Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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