i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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