i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
