If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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