If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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