Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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