You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
