is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
