Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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