kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My bed smells like the plague
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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