I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
