Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
