Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want a musical about memes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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