Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
