Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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