I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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