The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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