you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
