My friends, they love my intelligence
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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