Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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