I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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