Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize