I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
